It's Raining WHAT!
by SubZeroChimera
Summary: Cats, dogs, kittens and puppies. When an experimental materia goes missing due to a certain red-haired turk, all hell breaks loose as the SOLDIERS clean up the mess. Especially when one blonde cadet finds out the results of the materia worked a little different for him... Eventual twoshot, slight AU, rated for language.


Animal features. The nose of a hound, the ears of a cat, and all the senses that came with them. Whether it was tracking foes, sneaking unnoticed through enemy lines, or superhuman speed from rippling, fur-covered muscles, animal features seemed to be the hot topic for all the lab lackies. The science department thought such features could cause a breakthrough in the effectiveness of the SOLDIER program.

Reno called bullshit.

Said lab lackies were currently pulling their hair out. Not only was their oh-so-great dream nothing more than wishful thinking, all attempts at experimenting with the theoretical animal 'improvements' had turned into a mess for the ages. You could have your critters one way or another, not both. Anything they tried with both human and animal DNA was either a failure or an abomination. Or a little of both if said critter felt like it. Yup, the whole shebang was a hair-pull, no doubt about it. It probably didn't help those scientists, then, when he stole one of the few potentially successful results of said experiments. A small materia rolled around in his palm. Reno twiddled the orb between his fingers, grinning mischievously at the training grounds below, glowing a dusty colour in the setting sun. A small report crinkled in his other hand as he held it up, reading aloud.

"Materia number 2217. Materia classification; animal features. Status; failure. Does not appear to work on subjects that are previously mako enhanced, and specimens that were not mako enhanced registered varying levels of cognitive function and memory during and after experimenting periods, with no indicators as to cause of differentiating recognition. Behavioural observations concluded that few specimens seemed to remember their previously human status. Fewer still remember the experience afterwards. In conclusion, Matera number 2217 deemed unfit for military use, suggested to be destroyed."

Reno tossed the materia upwards, catching the orb effortlessly. "They're gonna destroy this thing, really? What a pity, yo. Might as well give it a little use before they dump the taxpayer's money down the trash heap." Beside the red haired turk, Rude, standing solemnly, gave a disapproving grunt. Reno grinned, "Relax, yo. I'll take all the heat, if they find us. Once night falls and all those cute little cadets go beddie-bye, they're gonna think they're safe. Right up until morning, that is..." And with a gleeful cackle, the turk looked towards the barracks in the distance.

X

When Cloud Strife woke up, it was to complete chaos.

Yipes, yowls, hisses and barks resounded throughout the room, and overpowering smell of panic seeping into his nose. Fur was flying as cats and dogs, in place of cadets, all woke up or were woken up. Many of the animals were making distressed noises, a few were sniffing around in confusion, and all around havoc was being wrought. The dogs seemed the quickest to calm, only to find the cats and get excited again, barking and growling and causing even more hisses to be created in response. A few of the animals were gazing around dazedly or in confusion, much like Cloud was right now, trying to figure out what was going on. But even with all the animals in the room, perhaps the strangest things were the bedclothes, either gathered in heaps where their owners should have been or adorning a few of the larger animals. Cloud made to get up and try to solve the dilemma, but found that his limbs weren't quite how he remembered them. He uncurled himself from a tight knit ball, looking downwards at his protesting appendages.

Paws and golden-tan fur greeted his view.

He yelped. Half the room suddenly deadened in response, but he paid it no heed at he squirmed about in his clothes, which now were constricting him. What the hell was going on! The Shinra issued night garments were quickly shredded, falling off his thick neck and no longer strangling him. Cloud took stock of the situation, noting his thick, scruffy tail, large paws and the altogether _weird_ feeling of triangular ears on top of his head, rather than the side. A wolf. He'd turned into an Odin-help-me-_please _Nibel Wolf.

Okay Cloud, he thought, now is not the time to panic. Really,_ not_ a good time! What was he going to do now. That's it, figure out your next course of action! That was basic training! Easy! Focus on that!

That was when Cloud noticed how quite the room had gotten. Every single animal in the room was looking at him in fear, hackles raised and eyes wide. Where he was calm, they were all panicked, rooted to their previous activities in fear. It was something Cloud was sure he would never forget. Their gazes upon him, all terrified of what he would do. Their helpless looks stuck in his mind. It was eye-opening. It was unimaginable. It was _empowering_...

How many times had he looked at others helplessly? How many ties had he felt like a prey animal in front of a pack of hunters? All the bullying, all the teasing, all the abuse, all the fear. And suddenly it had all gotten spun on its heels and crashed to the floor waving a little white flag.

He was a wolf. The only wolf in the whole god damn room.

Cloud bared his fangs with wicked glee. Payback would be a _bitch_.

X

By the time midday rolled around, the whole Shinra complex was in uproar. One poor drill sergeant, angry at the lateness of the cadets, had gone storming into the barracks to see what was wrong. That was when whole squadrons of terrified animals belted through the open doors, knocking the man down and unleashing hell on wheels for the complex. Because, of course, everything that could possibly go wrong did. Stairwells left open were flooded, the elevator was filled, and all the doors just so happened to be the kind that could be opened by a well-placed jump or grab with a muzzle, or even just a push in the right place.

Genesis cursed and swore up a storm, his pyrotechnics sending a dozen animals squealing in the opposite direction.

"No roasting the cadets please, Genesis," Angeal sighed for the umpteenth time.

"Animals! Of all the bloody things those useless peons had to get turned into, it was slobbering, scrabbling, shitty, fur-shedding _pets_! _Goddess, the f__ates are cruel_- oh fuck that! Fucking! Argh! Get back here you bloody little-!"

Sephiroth, nearby, raised an eyebrow. A Genesis too pissed off to quote Loveless was not a good sign.

Angeal grunted, "Genesis, it's not their fault that materia from the lab got stolen-"

"Well _someone_ stole it, and when I find out who I'm going to-! Going to! AUGH! I'm going to rip them up, tear them to sheds, cremate them until they need a matchbox and MURDER THEM!"

"I would suggest against such actions," quipped the silver haired SOLDIER. Genesis looked up to see his part-time friend holding a rather puffy looking tabby. "It may be advantageous for you take take a moment..."

Genesis glared at him before breathing deeply, leaning against a wall and sighing heavily even as the cat yowled lowly. "Okay. Right. Fine." He took another breath and sighed. "Remind me what we're trying to accomplish again?"

"Mission specifics? All right. Someone stole a materia from a lab and apparently used it on the cadets in the barracks. We SOLDIERs, since we were left unaffected by the materia, are to assist all other staff in rounding up the wayward cadets so the science department can return the to normal," Sephiroth summarized.

"A mission? All right. It's not as bad if I look at it like it's a missions. Okay." Genesis stood up, breathing slowly.

The cat meowed.

Genesis's eyelid twitched.

"Now now, it'll be fine. There's only cats and dogs, so it won't be too bad," Angeal coughed, distracting Genesis, "so, anyways, we need to herd them.. ah, where was it again?"

Sephiroth blinked, "Science department."

Angeal grimaced, "Ah, yes. Poor cadets, that's not going to be a fun experience."

"Hey! Angeal! Watch yer six!"

Angeal jumped out of the way just in tie as a panicked boxer skittered around the corner, four legs flying and slipping across the tiled floor. Zackary Fair, or just Zack to everyone who knew him, was chasing the dog down the hall. The two disappeared around another corner before some growls and grunts echoed to the SOLDIER trio's ears. Zack reappeared soon afterwards, holding the struggling mutt. Sephiroth took a sharp intake of air, apparently the cat had noticed the commotion and was rather unamused.

"Stupid idiot, ran straight into the wall. Yo guys, how's the hunt going?" Zack smiled.

"Relatively well."

"Oh hey, two puppies in one go? What a treat," Genesis drawled.

Zack frowned, "Very funny Genesis."

"I thought so too."

Just then, a howl echoed through the corridors, chills running up the spines of all who heard it. The cat's ears shot up and the dog stopped squirming to peer around fearfully. The sound of stampeding paws rumbled through the halls, and moments later the pack of pets it belonged to came into view. The four SOLDIERS plastered themselves to the wall as the herd ran past. Bounding behind the pack, completely intent on his prize, was a tawny wolf, his fur spiky and wild as he panted and snapped at the heels of the animals ahead of him. Panicked, the animals fled.

The SOLDIERs watched the animals pass.

"Didn't you say it was just cats and dogs, Angeal!?"

"That's what the science department told me!"

Zack grimaced, "Shit, we better stop it before it eats one of them!"

Without another word the group took off.

X

Fun, fun, fun, absolute amazing unending fun. Oh, and fun, did he mention that?

That's what Cloud Strife felt about the whole affair as he chased down a small pack of toy breed dogs and a random cat, the whole lot all but pissing themselves in fear. Probably literally, too, the little wretches.

For once in his life, Cloud was the 'top dog'. He had power the others didn't, and it was starting to go to his head. His whole day so far had seemed like a dream, an absolutely wonderful dream. Despite being tired from all his running, Cloud had continued to run himself ragged chasing after the animals he'd managed to identify as the pack of bullies that picked on him the most. Having a wolf's sense of smell was really great for that. So far he'd sent one cat off a balcony (And yes, they do land on all fours, even if it's on some poor secretary's face), dumped another into a trash bin, chased an irish setter up a tree (he was really proud over that one) and cornered another dog under the changing room bench where the stupid bugger had gotten himself stuck. Overall the wolf was rather proud of himself, but he had yet to administer his coup-de-grace.

The leader of the bullies, now a rather pudgy pug, was his final target.

Bared teeth mockingly imitated a grin as the petrified pooch tried to evade Cloud's jaws. Really now. A quick comeback by the Nibelheim native and the little bastard was squealing between sharp teeth and potentially rabid slobber. Really, if any of the bullies remembered this little incident he'd probably be hung by his own intestines. But, that's _if _they remembered. And, well, that's also if his current condition was reversible. Maybe he didn't want it to be...

Tail up and wagging, prize clutched in his teeth, Cloud headed right for the first bathroom he could smell. The pug struggled in his grasp, but to no avail. He almost felt sorry for it, but after remembering his first meeting with the man the pug had originally been, all thoughts of mercy went out the window. Speaking of the first meeting... Tan paws clacked against tile floors, the porcelain pieces on the walls reflecting light with an innocent glitter.

Payback really was a bitch. Unless you were the one giving it, in which case, _hallelujah_!

The pug screeched as he found himself shoved inside a toilet, lid slamming shut on his short nose before he could do anything about it. Cloud sat on the closed lid, doing his best impression of a wicked grin as he regarded the toilet's lever. Now, what was it that the pug-boy had said that first meeting?

Oh, right. 'Third time's the charm, but four's better for harm.'

Three times he flushed that toilet, revelling in the the piteous wails of his victim. The probably shivering, sopping wet pug cried and begged and whimpered, trying to get out all the while. Just as he settled down, Cloud flushed the final time.

The pug screeched once again. Cloud jumped off the toilet seat, letting the pug scramble out and run away, scattering droplets of water behind him as he fled. Cloud howled in victory. Ah, revenge was so sweet. Tail held high, he strutted out of the bathroom, utterly gleeful.

"Well I'm glad someone's having fun."

Cloud stopped dead. Before him were three of the most famous people in all of Shinra, plus one more SOLDIER just for kicks. Angeal Hewley, the man who'd addressed him, looked at him sternly. "I do hope you're happy with that rather dishonourable show of yours. I know you're fully cognisant of what you're doing, don't deny it."

Cloud's ears drooped, of course someone with authority would come into the picture during the _one_ time he was having revenge for all the injustice directed at him. And it just _had_ to be the biggest celebrities in all of SOLDIER. His luck had run out rather quickly, it seemed. Cloud's tail automatically hid itself against his belly. Yup, figures he'd meet his childhood hero, the mighty Sephiroth, the only time he was making an ass of himself.

Genesis scowled at the trail of droplets the pug had left behind. "Really, what did that poor idiot do to deserve that?"

The wolf tail shot straight up, growls emanating from the cadet's throat. What_ hadn't _he done?

"Whoa whoa whoa, okay, we get it. Little bit of enmity there. Sorry though buddy, but we're gonna have to take you in. That kind of behaviour isn't cool, even if you two don't like each other," said the fourth SOLDIER, a man with spiky black hair.

Cloud huffed, still tense. Oh great. Just great. He was getting written up by some of the most powerful men in Shinra for giving some bully a swirlie he more than rightly deserved, while said bully had gotten off scott-free with a heck of a lot more than that. No, Cloud thought, he wasn't having any of that. His chances were pretty much shot for SOLDIER anyways, and for some reason, while he knew he should probably back down and take it like the bitch everyone knew him for, he wasn't having any of it. Maybe it was the absurdity of the situation, maybe it was something about being a wolf, or maybe he'd just plain out had enough. Screw Shinra. He'd much rather be out in his hometown's mountains, running freely and baying at the moon and tearing the throats out of poor defenceless little critters. He'd gotten a taste of what it was like to have power and run wild with it, and he was _not _letting go of that freedom!

A surprised shout arose from his would-be captors when, instead of giving up like the good little boy he should have been, Cloud abruptly turned around and ran at the wall, jumping at it and using it to launch himself over the SOLDIER's heads.

Cloud took off running, the sounds of pursuit hot behind him. His paws skittered over the floor as he pushed himself to his limits, panting wildly. Maybe he really shouldn't have been pushing himself so hard all day...

Angeal shouted, Cloud's ears perking as he picked up the meaning. He changed course, heading away from the dead-end hallway just before he entered it. Genesis cursed loudly. The spiky haired man was apparently huffing something to someone on his PHS, but Cloud had to shift his focus from the conversation to favour avoiding a lunge from Sephiroth. SOLDIER speed was something to be sure, but he had four legs where they only had two. Catch me if you can, losers!

The chase continued for several hallways. More people joined the chase or redirected it. One time a scientist had cornered him in another hallways, but a flash of foaming slobber and needle-like teeth quickly discouraged the woman from attempting to stop him from barrelling past her, barely in time to avoid a grab from Zack, as one of the others had called him earlier in the chase. A few strands of fur came out with the grab however, encouraging the cadet-turned-wolf to surpass his aching body's limits even further. As more and more people joined the chase where they could, coherent thought began to leave Cloud's mind. His only desire was to escape, to run free outside of this hateful thing people called a building.

The chase came to a climax when he was forced into a room due to the hallway being blocked by a net. It was small, maybe an upper level classroom or debriefing room. Cloud found himself backed into a corner, teeth bared and snarling at the silver-haired SOLDIER penning him in. Cloud barely even recognized him anymore, all he knew was that he was tired, in pain, and hemmed in by multiple men.

Angeal made a sudden lunge, his arms encircling Cloud's waist. The move wasn't without cost. Jaws snapped at the SOLDIER's face, which was promptly shoved into his side to prevent the access of his teeth. More arms came in, and one clad in black leather found the brunt of his feral assault. He thrashed and jerked and kicked and twisted as the Shinra men tried to pin him to the ground to get a better hold of him. Blood seeped over his tongue.

"Somebody get a goddamn tranquilizer!" Genesis hollered.

Still squirming and slobbering, Cloud's rage bubbled from his throat in a horrific roaring, several bystanders either running off to fill the crimson SOLDIER's request or jumping away from the savage dogpile. Sephiroth grunted after a particularly violent twist, his teeth gritted in pain.

People chattered and swirled around the room, and Cloud registered a sudden painful jab in his thigh.

Shock, or perhaps outrage, made him snap even further. Sephiroth found himself flung into his comrades, dislodging two of them, leaving Angeal barely hanging on until the last moment when Cloud rolled out of his grasp and made a break for it. Everyone parted ways for him to pass, shrieks of terror rebounding off the walls as people flung themselves onto furniture to escape him. Cloud himself sprinted down a corridor, but part of the way down it he felt his body start to go limp underneath him. It felt like he couldn't get enough air, his muscles were burning and his mind and body were turning to jello. Finally his legs gave out and his furry form skidded across the floor after a few haphazard bounces.

From then on everything seemed to pass in a blur, a muzzle fitted over his mouth and his body dragged to the science department. Before he knew what hit him people in white coats were flitting around like light reflected off water. Something pricked his shoulder and a strange light descended. In no time at all his mind returned to him in fragments, his fingers- yes, fingers- curling against the steel floor. His little escapade was over. A voice grated over a nearby PA system, instructing him to cloth himself and go to the recovery room. Numbly he complied, the previous events a blur of fur and blood and instinct.

As he tottered into a room full of white chairs and beds, another voice sprang itself into his ears.

"'Bout time you got back, chocobo ass-face!"The blonde found himself shoved to the ground before being picked up by his neck. Spots twirling in his vision. "I dunno why it took them so long to find you, but yer gonna pay for shoving me in that toilet!"

Ah, what a pity, the pug remembered after all.

Papers and tools crashed to the ground as he found his head hit against a wall multiple times. He was too weak and uncoordinated to fight back, but it's not like fighting back had ever helped him anyways. Normally it was at least four to one, and as much as a spitfire as he was, someone always managed to have a rope nearby if he fought back too hard. So it was with a resigned silence he submitted to the treatment. However, when something cracked he tried to move his arms to defend himself. Nothing made sense to him anymore except the pain, but his feeble efforts to protect himself were easily swatted away. The grip on his throat tightened, perhaps unconsciously, and unable to breath, Cloud was starting to seriously wonder about whether or not he'd live long enough to sleep off his newest set of wounds.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"

All activity stopped dead. Angeal Hewley had stepped into the room, intent on collecting Cloud and interrogating him on his behaviour. Obviously neither him nor the shocked Zackary Fair behind him were quite prepared to have walked in on the situation.

The bully dropped Cloud in surprise, the blonde's head cracking into a counter on the way down, "S-sir I can explai-!"

"WHAT IN THE GOD'S NAMES ARE YOU DOING! I COME IN HERE AND FIND YOU LOT ATTACKING SOMEONE WHO'S ONLY JUST STARTED RECOVERING FROM A TRANQUILIZER SHOT!"

"B-but sir, he shoved me in a toilet and-!"

"And that gives you the excuse to beat up a young man who can't even defend himself!? How utterly _disgra__ceful_! Disgusting! How someone as _shameful_ as you was even accepted as a potential recruit-! And I thought _he_ was the bully around here! Get out! Out of my sight, now! I never want to see your faces again! OUT!"

The bully and his group scattered, Angeal's anger-filled face promising them retribution should he ever see them again. If they didn't quit from the program, he'd personally fire them out himself. Meanwhile Zack had rushed into the room to attend to the blood-covered cadet, aghast at the damage that had been done.

"Shit, Angeal! Cure! You got a cure?"

"Right here."

The pair leaned over the blonde, Angeal holding the boy's nose as it re-set itself. Blinking, Cloud sniffed, his vision returning to normal.

"S-sir, I'm sorry sir, I-I-I..."

"Ssh. Shut up and let me help you onto the bed here," Zack chided.

"N-no, it's okay, I 'm better now, I really appreciate it, but I can just go to my room now. I-it's not that bad, really." Cloud looked at the floor, his face red in shame.

"Bullshit, cure doesn't always work properly, we gotta check you over."

Cloud protested, "R-really, I'm fine now? See?" He wiggled his fingers and moved his arms, wincing at a bruised shoulder, "I've had worse, I fell off a cliff once. Really, I'm good to go-"

Angeal gave a stern cough, silencing the cadet. "You turned into a wolf, ran yourself ragged, and wrestled with four SOLDIERs-"

"Ah shit! Sorry sir! Shit! I bit Sephiroth! I remember that now! Aw shit, is he okay?! Are you okay!? Oh no no no no no..."

"I'm fine, he's fine, nothing a little bandaging up won't fix. _Really_ though cadet, you need to calm down before you hurt yourself again."

Cloud clamped his mouth shut, years of training of shutting his emotions down coming to the forefront.

"Okay, good. Now, I'm just going to ask a few questions so I can clear things up. Afterwards, I'll have Zack here escort you to the medical wing for further check-ups, all right?" Cloud nodded his assent, and the two proceeded to have a small conversation. Mostly it was clearing up the finer points of how much Cloud remembered of the ordeal, but a few other snippets and jokes somehow wormed their way in every now and then. By the time they were through an hour had passed. Angeal looked at the clock, smiling slightly and giving Cloud a final nod.

"Well, looks like we're good to go. Now Zack, if you would? We wouldn't want the boy running off again, now would we?" A smile creased the corners of his eyes, Zack grinning in response. Cloud just ducked his head and let himself be led from the room, a small 'thank you' all he gave the Buster sword-wielding warrior before the man disappeared from sight.

The younger men turned, walking down the hall. The trek to the med bay passed uneventfully until near the end, where Cloud stumbled against a wall. Zack rushed over, helping him back to his feet.

"You okay Spiky?" he asked.

"Yes," Cloud responded. "Although..."

"Yeah?" Zack's eye lit with concern.

Cloud frowned. "I kinda miss the tail..."

Zack laughed, "And they call _me_ the puppy!"

* * *

Hey all, just as a head's up, I may do an omake/bonus chapter for this at some point. However, for now, it remains completed. Hope you all enjoyed!


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